Three's a Crowd
by Aizen's Bitch Curl
Summary: When two became three, Renji just stood up and left, denying there were ever two to begin with. Lemon in later chapters. RenjixOC and other couples
1. It Was Only One

_**Hello there. I have taken the time from writing other fics to write this. I've seen a lot of mary-sue characters and actual characters fall in love. Then the character gets pregnant and tells the actual character, then randomly start crying when the guy doesn't say anything.**_

_**This is my response to those terrible, horrible fics that need serious revising. Aizen's eyes grow tired of seeing his enemies put in terrible fics and then made the fathers of ugly babies. **_

_**I know, I see the fics also.**_

_**Yaoi Love :3**_

_**P.S. It's pronounced, EE-TA-ZOO-RA MEH-GAH-NEH**_

Chapter 1- It Was Only One

Itazura Megane was a rather quiet girl. Well not quiet, well, she was quiet when no one was around. But who isn't?

She entered her captain's room. "Oh, Lieutenant Megane. What brings you here?" She smiled. "Oh, I'm just waiting for your daily coughing fit, Captain Ukitake." the girl then surpressed a chuckle as the captain quirked a brow. The captain continued to work on his remaining paperwork.

Itazura waited quietly with a small cat-like smile on her face. She tapped her fingers quietly on her shihakusho. Ukitake's shoulder jump slightly. "Itazura-san..." Ukitake said with a tight throat. The girl shot forward, snatching the papers before they were stained red.

The girl snatched a white towel from her chest, covering the shaking captain's mouth. She softly patted his back and layed him on his bed. Ukitake's chest ragged up and down. "Oh...my..." he gasped. "I...am sorry...for the..." he focused more on catching his breath.

Itazura smiled as her mornings always started like this. She alway's took this time to observe herself in Ukitake's decorated mirror. Long, wavy, sky blue. Clean, cut bangs stopped just above the tip of her nose, concealing her eyes. Her smiles could grow wide enough to rival Captain Ichimaru's, but that was only when something was funny or she was laughing at an inside joke.

Not only that, a taste in music that other Shinigami considered "terrible" or "horrible". But she considered it the best music in the world. It was wild, random, and the band's next song could be of any genre. The name was also awesome.

MIndless. Self. Indulgence.

She come to like other human musical artists, but it seemed every song they came out hypnotized her ears.

Born in North Rukon District 75, music was _not_ an easy thing to come by. So when she heard the different blends of instruments together, it was like heaven. Music was her safe place. To get away from those mean boys, she would sneak after the shinigami to the human world and listen to the live bands that played. And everything was _free_.

The human world was a wonderful place and she wanted to go there frequently, so she made it her business to become a shinigami. When she graduated in two years, life wasn't so pleasant. She was inducted into the Fourth Division. Where was to clean up after the messy surgeries and dirty and disgusting 11th Division members.

That was where her hatred for the 11th Division grew. They would yank at her hair, spank her bottom, and _swear_ they did nothing. At the end of each day, Captain Unohana would look at her with soft eyes and smile. Sometimes, she would pet the girl's tangled hair.

After 15 years of the torture, one day, Unohana stepped into the room full of the 11th Division members. Itazura was in the middle of the floor, crying. Her hair was ragged and some parts of her scalp were bleeding. Her face was bruised and her eyes were severely puffy.

Unohana gently grabbed Itazura by her shoulder and lifted her up. "This girl's will..." she started to the "injured" members. "has _just_ been shattered. _Now..._" she looked around with serious eyes. "It's been _15_ years, you've been doing this to her...and she _just_ started crying about it." Her voice got quiet, "and this...I cannot accept."

Unohana slightly pushed Itazura towards the door. "Ask the lieutenant to escort you to the Fifth Division and tell them I said to let you speak to the Captain. When you see the Captain tell him I said to train you." Itazura nodded and left out of the room. The door closed behind her.

A scream pierced the air, causing the girl jump. Many screams came after that. Itazura ran away from the hallway.

Isane later reported her to the Fifth Division. It took a day and a half to be escorted by carriage.

The Fifth Division was a nice place. Itazura thought everyone there was rich. Even the people who were janitors had better clothes than her rags. They smelled better, too.

The unseated shinigami's were quick to let them in when they heard "Unohana said,". Captain Aizen was a nice man. His smile warmed her up from the inside. They talked for a bit, then Aizen sent her home.

Unohana sent her back the next day. This continued for a course of 12 years. During the course, Aizen trained her. Her kido and hado skills were unparallel. She also obtained two zanpaku-tou. Aizen then inducted her a seated officer of the Fifth Division. 1st Seat.

Aizen held her, silent, while she cried her eyes out. After this, she met her so called "twin", Lieutenant Ichimaru. You couldn't see their eyes and they both had creepy smiles. They also had weird tastes in pretty much everything, from humor to food.

Years had passed and Itazura had thought to deserve a better position, but the only way to become lieutenant, was if Ichimaru died or was promoted to a high position, or something like that. So when she heard that Kaien Shiba, lieutenant of the 13th Division had been killed by a hollow, she decided to sign up to become the next lieutenant.

The tests weren't anything that Aizen hadn't taught her, so here she was; Lieutenant of the 13th Division. But they took a hell of a long to time to complete. Damn near a century.

Imagine her suprised at the end of the tests when she heard that Gin became a captain and some little girl named Momo became lieutenant.

Captain Ukitake had calmed down from his coughing fit and now was resting silently. He wasn't sleep, he was just...resting. "Itazura..." he said after a minute of silence. "I recieved a letter-" A envelope slipped from the stack of papers the woman shuffled. "Read it..." Ukitake urged.

"Hmmm..." Itazura started. "_Dear Captain of 13th Division of the 13 Court Guard Squads..._la, la, la, _The Gotei 13 are having the 1000th Captain and Lieutanant ball, _blah, blah, blah, _we are honored to invite you, Juushiro Ukitake and Itazura Megane to represent..._yadda, yadda, yadda, _ can't wait to see you there..._" Itazurahad shortened the letter a _great_ deal.

"So...will you?"

Itazura scratched her head, she wasn't really big on being formal and wearing dresses. Ukitake gave her a pleading look. "Well, I guess I can't just deny a dying man's wish." Ukitake laughed, "Thank you, Ita-wait...what? I'm not dead yet!"

Itazura just blared out Ukitake's complaints with loud, hysterical laughter.


	2. One Became Two

Chapter 2- One Became Two

* * *

It was the night of the ball and Itazura had her kimono, given to her by Rukia, and was now fretting over her hair.

"It's too curly!"

"Then just put it in a bun?" Ukitake offered. "No! That's too...unoriginal!" Rukia chuckled. "How about this..." she said grabbing a glittering hair clip. "Since your hair is so long...this'll make you look...majestic and mysterious...like a..." Rukia lifted her hair into a high ponytail, and made it stay that way with the clip.

"Perfect! Undid hair with a kimono! I'll be the oddball for sure!" Rukia and Ukitake sweatdropped. Itazura stood up, showing off the gown. She wore a black kimono with sky blue flower imprints, with a red sash specked with sky blue flower imprints. Her sleeves were unbelieveable long, fully covering her hands.

"Yes!" she squeeled. She pulled Rukia to her feet and hugged her tightly. "Thank you! When did you become such a fashion expert?!" She rubbed her head. "I'm not. It's just that..." her eyes saddened. "that kimono belonged to Byakuya's late wife." Itazura looked at the girl.

"You stole a dress from your brother's dead wife?"

"No!" Rukia shouted back. She grabbed Itazura's front locks and pulled them over her shoulder. "Byakuya gave it to me, I just can't fit it."

"Did she wear it?"

"Um, no."

"That's good." Rukia furrowed her brows, as Itazura was being inconsiderate and rude of Byakuya's late wife. "You know, you're being ungrateful."

"And how is that?"

"I give a beautiful kimono and all you're worried about is whether Byakuya's wife wore it or not. You better be lucky that he doesn't snatch the thing off of you when you arrive." Itazura's frown deepened. "If he does, that wouldn't be nice." Stressmarks appeared all over Rukia's forehead. "Just wear the kimono and give it back when you're finished with it!" she yelled.

Itazura humped her shoulders, "Sorry?" she offered.

"Get out..."

"It's _my_ room."

"Get out anyway!" Ukitake took his time to intervene, by gently pushing Itazura outside. "Please keep the place together." Rukia bowed. "Yes, Captain Ukitake." He nodded and smiled. "You're in charge." He closed the door in Rukia's shocked face.

The walk was long, but not quiet. "So who'll be there?" Itazura asked for billionth time. "All the captains and their lieutenants." Ukitake asked. He didn't grow bored or irritated of the girl, for she was only trying to make conversation. He was just as bored as she was. "Is Shunsui going to be there?"

"Is he a captain?" Ukitake asked. "Oh...yeah." Itazura replied sullenly.

They were an hour late to the party, but Ukitake had stopped Itazura as she stepped to knock on the door. "Here..." he said, clamp on a beautiful diamond necklace. "What is this..."

"It belonged to a close friend of mine." Itazura smiled widely as she hugged her captain tightly.

Then Yachiru opened the door. "Ooooh, kissy kissy." she yelled aloud. Itazura snapped her face at the girl. "Eh?" All the captains and lieutenants eyed them suspiciously. "All I have to say is..." Gin said aloud.

"Is that I knew it." Gin sat back down.

Itazura unhugged her captain and stepped forward. "The Soul Society's 13th Division's Captain Ukitake Juushiro and Lieutenant Itazura Megane has now arrived. I know you've been waiting for the party to start, but we're here now so it's okay. You can eat your food. You can drink you drinks. But The Party Monster is here to entertain your needs!" Ukitake covered his face, totally forgetting that this was Itazura's first formal party, with no music. Everybody just talked and got to know each other.

Aizen chuckled. "That's a relief."

"I know it is." Itazura smirked. Momo whispered quietly to Aizen. "Captain...she is just as you described her." a bit of disgust dripping from her voice. Aizen ignored her. "Of course she is. I trained her for nearly half a century." The lieutenant turned her envious eyes on the woman.

Itazura laughed loudly with Rangiku, cracking jokes about all the male captains. "Gin told me that Aizen looks like Arnold from the Magic School Bus. _Whatever_ _that is_?!" The two women held their stomachs for dear life, as if their guts were about to fall out.

"Alright, alright". Itazura wiped a tear from an unseen eye. "I'm going to get me something to drink." Rangiku slapped her on the back. "Make sure you come back!" she then turned to Nanao. "I like that gutsy broad."

Itazura scanned over the drinks and found that there were only alcoholic beverages available. "This is isn't good." she heard her captain call her name. She wondered over to him. He stood before a stuck up looking douche and punk-rocker. "This is Byakuya Kuchiki, Captain of the 6th Company." The douche nodded once. "And this," he waved his hand over by the ginger. "is Renji Abarai, lieutenant of the 6th Company."

He whispered quickly, "be polite..".

Itazura waved. "Hello." Renji widened his eyes, as Byakuya looked slightly offended. She ignored her captain's request to bow. "I am Itazura Megane, lieutenant of the 13th company. I am pleased to meet you." Byakuya nodded. "I just wanted to compliment on your kimono. It is quite...unique."

"Yeah, my friend gave it to me." Byakuya widened his eyes. "Friend...? May I ask her name?"

"Rukia-chan!" Byakuya then stared at the kimono again, and narrowed his eyes. He turned around and walked away. Renji looked at his captain, then back at Itazura. He scurried off after the man. Itazura stood there with a facepalming Ukitake.

"...douchebag."

"Megane!"

"He is!"

"He has every right to be! You're wearing his late wife's most valued kimono! You should of gave him every ounce of respect you had!" Itazura looked at Ukitake. He seemed superbly pissed. "But..."

"Just...just go sit down somewhere. Don't talk to anymore captains." Ukitake walked away from her.

She knew it. She knew she shouldn't have come to this stupid party. Her captain was mad at her because she refused to bow to some stuck-up noble. Dumb ass nobles. Stupid shinigami. Idiot Seireitei! She sat outside on the porch. She had lifted the long kimono up so that her bare legs show.

"I hate them all..." the cursed words slipped from her lips. "Oh, don't be like that." she jumped as Aizen sat next to her, seiza stance. "Oh, captain..." she looked away from him. "Ukitake told me not talk to anymore captains...I might offend them."

"And you're going to listen?" Aizen smirked, "Really? You are?" Itazura hid her hideous smile with a sleeve. "Nope." she cackled. They laughed for a bit, then it quieted down.

"Soooo...how did you get away?"

"I told her to get me a drink and slipped out the door."

"HA!" Itazura shouted. "You sir, are a riot!"

"Who do you think put the meaning in your first name?"

"Oooooh, that was a good one." Itazura sighed heavily, standing up. "Aizen, where did the servants put our zapaku-tou's?" Aizen humped his shoulders. "You're hopeless!" she chuckled. "Are you leaving?" Aizen was completely serious.

"Yeah..."

"But Rangiku has taken a liking to you."

"I'll see her around, I'm sure." Itazura hurried and got inside before Aizen could whip out the "He's not really mad at you" speech.

Aizen looked around to see Renji just stepping out the other exit as Itazura stepped in. He was quite surprised when he saw Captain Aizen.

"Ah, Hello Renji. What brings you here?" Renji stuttered for words.

"She went to collect her zanpaku-tou. She's quite upset, so she's going home." Renji hurried and ran inside.

Itazura cradled her two zanpaku-tou leaving the party quickly. When she heard the stampede of feet, she quickly put away the darker looking one. To what she thought was a group of people, there was only one. "Pinneaple head!" Itazura yelled at the man making him stop completely. That was her specialty. Her weirdness and outspoken expression surprised the everyone. From hollows to old and wise men who thought they'd seen everything.

"Um...that's rude."

"-says the person running up to me without introducing his self." She waved her kitana around. "You coulda got shanked, boy." she released her heavy slang accent. "So whatchu wont?" Renji looked startled then scratched the back of his head. "Um, Captain Aizen said you were leaving."

"So you decided...ta stalk me?"

"NO! No, it's just dangerous around these parts."

"Bro...we're still in the Kuchiki Estate."

Renji growled. "I just wanted to know where you were going."

"I'm goin' to get sum sodas and juices fo' the non-drinkers." she lied quickly. She kind of liked his hair and tattoos so she at least wanted to give him a proper reason leave with her. "May I accompany you?"

"I can handle myself!"

"You can never be to careful. So can I still come?"

"Sure..." They both started to walk off. It was silent for a moment. "So is it true?" he murmured. Itazura snapped her neck at him. "What's true?"

"That you have two zanpaku-tou." He made no eye contact. "Well, I don't think it was eva a secret...Ukitake just told me not to tell anyone. " Itazura smiled evily. "But you wanted to know the truth. Ukitake told me to never lie, so I didn't lie." she giggled, then stopped. Maybe that was unattractive.

"Can I see it? The other one?" Itazura opened her top, partially exposing her breast. "Uh!" Renji said, looking away quickly. She slid her hand into the inside of her obi and took out the other zanpaku-tou. It was a cyan color, but looked old and worn out.

"What are their names?" Renji said. When his eyes looked over the other zanpaku-tou, he looked kind of disappointed. _Silly boy, you should know more than anyone to not judge a zanpaku-tou's power based on looks and size_. Itazura thought.

"I'll tell you their names, if you tell me your zapaku-tou's name." Itazura suggested. Renji held his zapaku-tou out. "His name is Zabimaru."

"Alright..." she held the elgant golden kitana up. "This beauty, is Amaterasu." she stated. Renji nodded, admiring such a beautiful. "And this stupid bastard," she held up the worn out one. "is Tsukiyomi."

They continued to walk down the path. "Zabimaru, isn't one of those fancy zanpaku-tou's that have some some type of mystical power. He just stretchs out and attacks with brute force."

"Awesome power. I wish my zanpaku-tou were that simple." Itazura sighed. "Amaterasu is a fire-type zanpaku-tou. She controls the sun's heat. I heard in that in human world, she is worshipped as the most parts of the eastern half. Tsukiyomi is her brother. He's an ice-type zanpaku-tou. All he does is turn into a giant black dog and turns everything to permafrost."

She sniffed distastefully. "I personally think Toshiro's is better!" Itazura looked at the zanpaku-tou. "His is better. He can control the weather. All I can do is freeze things." Renji stayed silent.

"That's interesting."

Itazura smiled. Instead of taking the saying offensively, she just took it as, she's so awesome he was lost for words. "I know." She put Tsukiyomi away (again he blushed).

They began to talk about silly things. Renji usually ended the conversation, whereas Itazura would strike up a different topic.

"I see this isn't the store."

Itazura smiled stepping up the porch step. "Oh, you knew. You just pretended to be so caught up in the conversation, so you'd have an excuse not to say anything."

Renji narrowed his eyes. "Stop talking down to me!"

"It's true...!?"

"Yeah, but that's the reason no one likes you! You're too outspoken and some people find it disrespectful." Itazura frowned. "How can no body like me, when people barely know me? Everybody at that party, except my captain, Unohana, Isane, Gin, Momo, Tousen, and Aizen, met me for the first time."

"Maybe you should try a-"

"Are you suggesting I lie to people? Not be me? But fabricate some personality everyone wants to see?"

"I'm not saying that!" Renji barked.

"Yes you are. What you see is what you get! You don't like it, FUCK OFF!" Renji stood silent. He wasn't shocked by the outburst. But by the rather steady flow of tears, seeping from invisible eyes. The hearing of ragged breath. The gripping of tight fist.

Renji softened his eyes. It wasn't her fault. She tried to be nice by being funny. Byakuya just didn't give in to her antics. She wanted to make him smile, by making a fool of herself so he wouldn't feel so harsh about Itazura wearing his wife's kimono.

"I'm...sor-"

"Don't bother." Itazura turned and walked briskly into her house.

"Let me treat you to dinner!"


End file.
